Nothing Compares
by C.Queen
Summary: When Shuichi leaves him Yuki is faced with fact that it's his fault that the singer's left him. Will he find the words to get Shuichi back or will fate deny him the chance? Permanently. Oneshot


Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I've put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else so give the credit where it's due. Thanks for reading and please review!

Song lyrics by Sinead O'Connor altered slightly by me

Nothing Compares

Staring at the computer screen Yuki couldn't remember ever wanting to punch his fist through the thing more. Nothing, absolutely nothing. He'd been sitting here for hours, wasting an entire pack of cigarettes with nothing to show for it. Cursing under his breath he ran a hand through his short blonde hair, his golden eyes shooting daggers as if it were all the computer's fault. It wasn't, but the person responsible wasn't around to get what he deserved. Hadn't been around for over two weeks now, Yuki thought, his eyes sliding over to the sign Shuichi had posted there a couple days before he'd left. It was an advertisement against smoking, complete with graphics as to what his habit was doing to his insides. He kept meaning to tear the damn thing down. The problem was that this time no one would put up another poster to replace it, Yuki thought, tearing his glasses off and tossing them carelessly onto his desk so that he could rub his tired eyes. Damn Shuichi. Worming his way into his life, turning it upside down so that nothing was the same anymore. But he'd let the idiot do it, had put up with his crying fits and childish behavior when it was obvious to everyone else how stupid that was. Letting the kid live with him, paying for the rent AND the food. But no, that wasn't good enough any more. Shuichi had dumped him. Had told him that either he had to start acting like the idiot's definition of a lover or he was leaving. So Shuichi had left, Yuki thought numbly, still unable to believe it. No matter how big a fight they'd had over the years the little idiot had always come back, always broken down and accepted things the way they were. Not this time though. This time Shuichi had packed up his stuff and said to call him when he was ready to have a real relationship.

**_It's been seven hours and fifteen days  
Since you took your love away  
I go out every night and sleep all day  
Since you took your love away_**

Dammit, what the hell was he supposed to have said, Yuki thought, knowing even as he thought it that he was lying to himself. He knew exactly what Shuichi wanted, he just wasn't man enough to give it to him. And wasn't that just ironic. He always called Shuichi the brat, the kid and what did that make him, when that brat had the courage to say the words he himself couldn't utter. Oh in his books his heroes always had the right words at the right times. Hell he'd always had the right words and lines for the women that had passed through his life over the years. Then Shuichi had come crashing in and his words had deserted him. With the one person that mattered he always said the wrong thing at the wrong time. He'd long ago lost count of the times that he'd said or done something that was unforgivable to his lover and yet Shuichi had always come back to him. Hell he'd just taken it and taken it, never thinking of himself or what others might think. Shuichi was willing to stand up for what he wanted and fight with every ounce of his being for it. Yuki couldn't say the same. If he had been that sort of person, he wouldn't have let Shuichi leave him. He wouldn't have done the things that had made his lover leave him in the first place. He'd spent hours trying to figure out just what exactly he'd said or done that had set Shuichi off this time but he honestly couldn't think of anything he'd done or said that he hadn't done to the brat before. And just what the hell did that say about their relationship?

**_Since you been gone I can do whatever I want  
I can see whomever I choose  
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant  
But nothing  
I said nothing can take away these blues_**

Turning at the sound of his cell phone ringing Yuki didn't have to pick it up to know who was calling. It would be his sister, reminding him about the dinner date they had for that evening. Looking over at the clock he sighed then picked it up, pressing start as he put it to his ear. "I haven't forgotten, I'll be there." She'd threatened to sic their brother on him if he didn't show. Plus he did need to get out of this apartment before he went nuts and did something stupid. Like call Shuichi and beg him to come back.

"Just checking." Mika replied, noting how tired and worn her brother sounded. When his charms were running this thin, before she'd even given him a reason to be annoyed, you knew something was seriously wrong.

"Well you checked." Was his cold, curt reply. "I've got two hours." Hanging up before she had time to say anything else Yuki ignored it when it rang a second time. She was his sister, not his keeper. She and Tohma were hovering to the point that he wanted to throw them out a window nearly as much as he wanted to do that to his computer. Grinning slightly at the thought he stood up and left the room. He definitely needed a shower and he had no doubt he had laundry that needed to be done. Obviously, he wasn't going to be able to do anything constructive tonight. Not when the only thing he could think about was a person who wasn't going to appear any time soon.

**_Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you_**

Two hours later he was handing his keys over to the valet, ignoring whatever the young man was saying to him as he stepped onto the pavement and headed up the stairs. They would have to chose a fancy restaurant where the food was rich and the people even richer, Yuki thought cynically as he walked into the brightly lit foyer. Sticking his hands into his pockets he tried not to think about the fact that he'd discovered his suit didn't fit him properly anymore. Hand tailored to fit him it appeared he'd lost more weight than he'd realized this month. Scowling at the idea, knowing who was responsible, Yuki was still frowning slightly as he walked over to the hostess to be escorted to the correct table. His name, as well as that of his fellow dinner companions had the woman practically standing at attention as she quickly rushed to see him seated. She was blushing and stealing glances at him but he paid her no notice, hardly sparing her a glance as he slipped into his seat.

"Right on time." His brother in law said with a smile, even though inside Tohma was wincing as he took in the unwelcome physical changes plainly visible. Yuki had lost weight and looked tired and drawn. He knew why too and it made him feel angry and helpless. He'd finally gotten his wish, Shuichi and Yuki separating for what seemed like good after these last three years of having to watch them together. But he couldn't enjoy the victory because Yuki was suffering. Shuichi was too and not just music wise. The lead singer of Bad Luck was looking like hell lately too and was actually writing depressive ballads that were sending Ryuichi into a tizzy. Since he was Ryuichi's band mate and friend he was hearing way too much about Shuichi lately with Ryuichi on his back to fix things somehow. "I hope you're hungry, the food here is great." Tohma finally said. Yuki was going to eat if he had to force him.

"Whatever." Food didn't interest him and neither did the idea of chatting with either of the two people in front of him, pretending everything was all right and that they didn't know what was wrong. What was missing in his life right now.

_**It's been so lonely without you here  
Like a bird without a song  
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling  
Tell me baby where did I go wrong?**_

"How's the new book coming?" His sister asked after they'd ordered, trying to hide her dismay that all her brother had ordered was the soup and salad.

"Lousy."

"Oh." Fiddling with the stem of her wine glass Mika couldn't take it anymore. She didn't approve of her brother's relationship with that airheaded bunny boy of a singer but if having the idiot around kept her brother from looking like this she'd join the Shuichi Shido fan club. Damn what she and Tohma thought. "Yuki...what did you do to send your bunny boy packing? Maybe I can help you come up with some way to patch things up."

Well that was a big enough surprise to pull him out of his thought. Raising an eyebrow in his sister's direction Yuki stated the obvious. "But you don't like him. Do you think after three years I don't know all you two have done to screw things up?"

Both family members looking uncomfortable for a moment Tohma discreetly coughed. "He's quite miserable you know. I'm sure if you visit and give him some show of affection he'll come back. He always does." Tohma added, only someone who knew him well able to pick up on the hidden bitterness of those words.

"Not this time."

"Have you even tried?" Mika demanded to know. "I mean he's such an idiot, not to mention a doormat when it comes to you. And if it's over then just go back to your harems. My God, I get mobbed by my female friends for information and pictures of you. You could do so much better than HIM you know."

**_I could put my arms around every girl I see  
But they'd only remind me of you  
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me  
Guess what he told me_**

"I don't deserve him as it is." Getting to his feet Yuki threw his napkin onto the table. "Since you two dragged me here I'll let you cover the bill." Leaving them sitting in a state of shock he walked out of the restaurant, not even hearing the buzz he was causing as he stomped outside. It had started to rain and he stared into the dreary mess, thinking that it reflected his mood perfectly. Dark, dank and with even worse undercurrents brewing. God he needed a smoke. Almost as much as he needed his so called idiot bunny boy. Bunny boy, more like a damn puppy, Yuki thought with a sarcastic smirk. Shaking his head absently when the valet offered to bring his car around Yuki ignored the rain and stepping out onto the sidewalk looked across the street to the convenience store. Well at least there was one need he could fulfill easily enough. Barely glancing both ways he stepped off the concrete and walked briskly across the road, soaked after the first few steps. So deep was he in his own dark thoughts that he wasn't aware of the car that, thanks to the rain and being late for an appointment, was going way too fast to see the pedestrian until it was too late. Having just enough time to turn his head, his golden eyes meeting the terrified brown behind the wheel Yuki accepted his fate without flinching as he closed his eyes. It wasn't like he had anything worth living for anyway.

**_He said boy you better try to have fun  
No matter what you'll do  
But he's a fool  
Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you_**

He barely felt the car as something came out of nowhere to send him propelling away from the vehicle. Feeling arms like steel wrap around his waist Yuki didn't have time to process what was happening as they hit the pavement, his fall cushioned by whoever had saved him. Struggling to regain his breath Yuki's eyes fluttered open, feeling the warm, soft body under his. His own head tucked under his savior's Yuki had only to take one breath, to breath in that whiff of scent to know who was holding him. Sitting up abruptly Yuki stared down at the still form of a young man, dressed in his beloved bright colors which stood out even more against the pale face of it's wearer. "Shu..Shuichi!"

Eyes fluttering open the big purple eyes zeroed in on Yuki immediately. The eyes were glassy and full of pain but the lead singer of Bad Luck managed a weak smile. "Cars and us..just don't mix..do they?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" His knees planted on either side of Shuichi's thighs he ignored the audience they had and the sounds of his sister very loudly demanding to be let through.

"Ryuichi said...you were sick...wanted to see...make sure that you were okay." Wincing Shuichi tried to sit up a bit and fell back with a whimper of extreme pain. "Heard you were going to..be here." He finished with an attempt at a shrug that just had him grinching his teeth. Tears coming to his eyes, he'd never been able to handle pain well, the lead singer thought he deserved a lot of brownie points for not bawling right now. "You're okay right?" Shuichi demanded to know when he saw the look in his former lover's eyes. There was so much pain there but he looked... "Where are you hurt!" Shuichi demanded with all his vocal strength which despite everything was considerable. When it came to Yuki needing him he could move mountains if he damn well needed to. If Yuki was hurt then something had to be done about that immediately!

**_All the flowers that you planted, Shu  
In the backyard  
All died when you went away_**

"I'm fine, you stupid idiot!" Yuki yelled, Shuichi's eyes actually going huge since Yuki usually yelled in a controlled voice. This was Yuki yelling the way he himself yelled and it was really rather scary. "What the hell were you thinking, jumping in front of that car like that? This is the second time for Christ sakes!"

"I didn't jump...in front of the car...this time. I threw myself at you." Shuichi argued though in a really low voice. Seeing Mika and Tohma out of the corner of his eye he winced. Now he was really in hell. Sighing he closed his eyes to block them out only to open them again when Yuki shook him violently, demanding that he stay awake.

"Easy, Yuki." Putting a hand on her brother's shoulder Mika crouched down. She'd heard everyone talking about what had happened as they'd struggled to make their way over. The stupid idiot had saved her brother's life. "There's an ambulance on the way. You need to do your best to stay conscious and aware, Shuichi."

Blinking since Mika actually sounded genuinely nice it was even more of a shock when the rain stopped hitting his face thanks to Tohma standing over them with his umbrella to shield them. Maybe he'd been knocked into an alternate universe or something cause no one was acting like they normally did. Yuki was acting all concerned, Mika was glad he was alive and Tohma was genuinely doing something nice for him. Yup, definitely an alternate universe, Shuichi decided, not sure if that was a good thing or not.

"What the hell is taking them so long." Yuki growled, not moving from his protective position over Shuichi. "And you!" He added, stabbing a finger in Shuichi's direction. "When we get home you're in for it, brat!"

"Home?" Passing out on that word Shuichi never got a chance to hear Yuki's answer to his unspoken question.

**_I know that living with you, Shu was sometimes hard  
But I'm willing to give it another try_**

Waking up with a pounding headache Shuichi stared dumbly up at the ceiling for a moment before carefully turning his head left than right. Which really hurt. Finding Yuki sitting on his right side was a big surprise too. "Yuki? What..are you doing here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, Brat?" God but he wanted a cigarette. He had refused to leave Shuichi's side since they'd gotten into the ambulance together and that meant not only had he been unable to purchase any but it wasn't like he could smoke in here either.

"You look like you want to kill someone." Looking around Shuichi noted that they were all alone and why the hell was that, he thought with the beginnings of a pout. A guy gets hit by a car he should damn well be surrounded by loved ones and flowers. Maybe they were all out getting him flowers, Shuichi decided, turning to look back at Yuki and then wished he hadn't. Yuki only looked that intent and focused when he was working or was about to say something really, really important. Here comes my lecture, Shuichi thought as he braced for impact. You'd think he could have waited until the morphine had thoroughly kicked in.

"You broke a couple ribs and you have a slight concussion. The doctors want to keep you for twenty four hours to keep an eye on you and then we're going home." Yuki informed Shuichi, deliberately not giving him time to open that big mouth of his and argue. "I've already asked the doctor about your concerts coming up and if you take it easy and don't move around too much you should be up to them. I told the doctor that you can't stay still for one minute, much less a few weeks but he thinks the drugs will do the trick. Personally I think we're going to have to tie you down so-."

"You keep saying we." Shuichi interrupted before Yuki could continue to talk. "Last time I checked...we weren't on..speaking terms. When I saw you last...you wouldn't even look...at me."

"Things change."

"If this is...because I saved you...don't." Struggling Shuichi just barely managed to prop himself up a little more to see Yuki's face better. "I saved you..because I love you. I don't..want you to feel..obligated." As much as he wanted Yuki back he wasn't going to do it this way. They'd done enough circling around each other and if they were ever going to be together it was going to be without reserve and for the right reasons. Anything less...would hurt a lot worse then getting run over. And that hurt a hell of a lot even with the drugs.

"You're coming home with me and that's final so quit arguing."

"Why?"

**_Nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you_**

"Because I said so." Giving Shuichi his fiercest look Yuki stood up so that he towered over him, not that it was hard with the younger man looking so small and vulnerable below him. He was still so pale, Yuki thought, swallowing hard as he struggled to keep his head. Now was not the time to fall apart. There was no reason to because everything was fine. Just fine.

"That's not a good reason." Okay, so the drugs were making him say stupid things that were going to make Yuki even more upset with him. Since when was Yuki not mad at him about something? "I left for a reason...that reason..still applies."

"Dammit, Shuichi."

"Dammit, Yuki."

Glaring into those foggy purple eyes Yuki jammed his hands in his pockets, looking away because he couldn't stand to see them that way. They were supposed to be bright and shining, beacons of joy that made everyone around him feel good and just as joyful. There should never be pain in them, yet here he was, the one who excelled at doing just that. Pulling his hands out he scrubbed them over his face again, his shoulders slumped slightly. What was he supposed to do? What could he do?

"You look tired. You should head home." Shuichi said quietly, his heart silently bleeding for Yuki. He could see that the love of his life was in pain but he didn't know what to do about it. What to do that wouldn't just make things worse in the long run.

Closing his eyes Yuki felt the familiar wave of self disgust rolling through him. Here he was, wishing to be anywhere but where he was and Shuichi was telling him to go, giving him the out he desperately wanted to take. Shuichi needed him and he wanted to run. He would rather be a coward then give Shuichi the words that would fix things. That would start the healing process. His hands dropping to his side Yuki turned his head to meet those fierce eyes once more. "I can't find the words you need to hear."

**_Nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you, Shu_**

"I'll wait." Shuichi said simply.

"Why? I can't stand myself most of the time and everyone else that knows me, really knows me is the same. Why are you so different? Why do you love me?"

"That's like asking...why you love me." Shuichi answered with a grin. "It just..is the way...it is. Things don't always..make sense. Love rarely does..according to my mom."

"She's a smart woman. I don't know why I love you either." Stiffening as soon as the words were out Yuki blinked, his eyes as wide as Shuichi's as they stared at each other. The smile that he loved so much appearing on Shuichi's face Yuki sat down hard on the edge of the bed, not quite sure that his legs could hold him. He'd said them. The words. Finally. After years of trying...he'd said what Shuichi needed to hear, no strings or motive attached. Feeling a hand sliding into his own Yuki stared down at their joined hands for a moment before meeting Shuichi's eyes again. "If this were one of my books I'd have to kiss you now." Yuki said softly, squeezing the hand he held.

"Well you are...the romance writer."

"And they lived happily every after." Yuki murmured with only a little sarcasm as he lowered his head to give his man that kiss. Their life would never be boring...and they'd probably be fighting by the end of the week..but that was okay. Because despite what Shuichi had said, they made a lot of sense. And nothing compared to what they had together, headaches and all.


End file.
